Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
