If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
