As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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