Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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