This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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