I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Drake has all the answers
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
