Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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