Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
