im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
