his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
