and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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