Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
