It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
