last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
