I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
