Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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