did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize