I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
