Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
