She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize