i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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