got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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