redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
