I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
