I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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