remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
