My room smells like vodka and shame
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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