Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
