Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
