He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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