There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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