i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
