I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
