omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
