Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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