You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
