apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
