I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
