i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
false alarm. still invincible.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
