My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
