covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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