before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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