the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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