She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
