he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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