No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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