so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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