woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
