all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
