I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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