I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
