Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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