if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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