he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It was confusing and full of hummus
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize