its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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