Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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