Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
