Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize