So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
