It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
