i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize