I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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