8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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