doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
