I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize