this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
