Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
