the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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