im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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