it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize