and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
