I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
