sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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