I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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