no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
