She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
