there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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