My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
