its not stalking. its research.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
